After reading the post Commentary – Safe, Sane, And Consensual Spanking over at Our Bottoms Burn it got me reflecting on my own spanking experiences and where the control lay. The post talks about the bottom being the one in control of a spanking then discusses SSC.
I come from a switch point of view, for those who are unaware of the term it means that I both get spanked and spank others, so my experience includes both aspects of top and bottom. I thought on the discussions that took place prior to the spanking play I have engaged in and where the power and control lies in the act.
Our play was for fun though I was asked to give an actual punishment spanking once. I say asked here as we did not have a dynamic set whereby I could call him to account for transgressions. It wasn’t our thing and our circumstances didn’t allow for such. Back to the punishment spanking, this was asked for by the bottom so he was still in control and whilst I was given the power to do this he could stop the progress at a moment’s notice.
From the perspective of the top, it always felt to me, like I was helping the bottom with something they needed not taking control from them. The power exchange was an illusion only and helped dictate the role I would play, e.g. haughty school ma’am, annoyed partner, disciplinarian etc. Sometimes there was no role play, it depended on the mood, but the simple truth is we enjoyed doing what we did and helped each other meet a need and had a lot of fun doing so. We laughed a lot!
My take away is that our spanking play was a collaborative effort to get the best for each other and out of each other. This worked for me on a number of levels and also made me understand myself better so that going forward I know what I do and do not want in my spanking play or relationship. My conclusion is whilst there was an illusory power exchange the bottom controlled what happened to them at all times and that is why the post so resonated with me.
The interesting part is I may still write about the types of spankings I would never want to participate in. That is the beauty and power of writing fiction, to explore a world you may not want for yourself. I get to visit places and situations with my characters that I would not submit to in real life and explore emotions that come from that. I have at least one non-consensual story and a number with dubious consent on here, it was written to explore a specific genre and the protagonist began to find something in her experience that made it, for me anyway, palatable to continue. I also have a number of stories with some type of power exchange or discipline and again whilst that may not be my thing I can explore the fantasy through my characters.